The great gift of having a disabled child
by Simon Gibson
People are rarely surprised when I tell them that most couples with disabled children split up.
They understand that the patience runs out, the tension and stress become overwhelming and suddenly one day, the husband announces, "I just can't take it any more - I'm out of here!"
My wife Joy and I have hung in there, sometimes wondering (in our quiet moments) if it's worth it with our daughter Alisa.
Alisa is in her twenties now and much of her problematic behavior is now largely a memory.
As a young child - right into her teens - she would do outrageous things such as tearing the curtains off her bedroom window, throwing plates full of food on the floor, playing with her own blood after cutting herself with shards of glass.
We would lock her into her room at night - not recommended, we knew, but we did want some sleep - and she would sit at the foot of her door and bang her head continuously until she went right through (no, these weren't solid wood).
She was pretty good at screaming, too, and I'm sure many of our neighbors would wonder if we were using her as a model for some medieval torture techniques.
Alisa - who was born developmentally delayed because of my rare blood type - is totally lovable.
She has grown to be a wonderful, caring young woman. Although she can lapse into problematic behavior, we are amazed at how much she cares for us and demonstrates extraordinary love.
She spends most of her weekends with us but stays with a Christian family during the week who also care for an austistic twenty-something woman, who is probably Alisa's best friend.
Alisa can hardly wait to be with us and she is thrilled when we go out for Italian or Japanese food. She is big on pasta and has a standing request for the "Old Spaghetti Factory," a popular chain here in Western Canada.
Alisa is very generous with the phrase, "I love you." In fact, she will say to my wife and me hundreds of times a day. She reminds both of us how little we say "I love you" to each other.
Alisa has taught me patience, what real love means, and the value of the simplest things. Her humor, her capacity to demonstrate affection, are totally an inspiration. She models Christ's love: unconditional and without guile.
Alisa is a lousy actor - and that's good! I often wonder what I would be like today if we'd never had Alisa; I'm sure I'd be less sensitive, less tolerant, less empathetic and more isolated from the realities of our world.
Alisa is a great friend - I'm glad she was born into our family and I treasure my times with her.
Simon Gideon is an Assistant Professor, Communication Program Advisor for Trinity Western University.